simultaneous

weeks have passed after the so-called death of wavymoks, and both the alliance and the smurfers are planning their next assault on each other...

meanwhile in planet thoracolumbariosis, wavymoks studies and analyzes the prophecy of the gods about the union of the light goddess and the adopted hero.

"ok, so what you trying to tell me is, i need to use this spear as the key to open up the hidden vault where the original prophecy and secrets about the hayfaniverse hero are hidden?" wavymoks asks housebandsky and luciouslegdrop.

"it is written...
the hero will come who is the key
to open the archive dome
for the archivers to see",
housebandsky sings.

"so come on young hero,
insert that spear
so what was hidden before
shall now appear",
luciouslegdrop then recites .

"ok very well then, let's give this a try. spear, change into a big key, but goodness, where the hell will i insert this key...? there's no key hole... i mean, there's no small key hole for a key, all this door has is a big round hole in the middle and two small holes near the big hole." asks wavymoks.

"haven't you learned anything from your stay here? if there's a hole, insert something!!" housebandsky frantically shouts at wavymoks in a singsong voice.

"the hole's too big for my spear!!!", wavymoks retorts.

"listen up yo, my golly!! if the hole's too big, then increase your spear's girth!! (spear's girth, girth girth with a g-i-r-t-h!) not every hole knows PC!!! (yo yo yo)", housebandsky raps.

"what's a PC?", wavymoks innocently asks, as if not knowing.

"never mind that, just make your spear sturdier!!!", housebandsky impatiently replies.

"ok ok, goodness... spear... be sturdier!!", wavymoks commands. as the spear adjusts to the right girth, wavy moks tries to insert it at the so-called key hole. "ampness, it's not working! maybe if i insert and then remove it faster..."

"harder harder!!" shouts the muse.

"yeah yeah... goodness! harder ok" our hero continues to thrust the key to the so-called key hole faster and harder.

"unnhhh...ahhh.. unnnhh. ahhh. .hah hah hah.. unnhh.. "

"what the hell is that sound? is this door saying something?" wavymoks puts his ear at the door, and to his shock and amazement, he was drawn to watch housebandsky and lusciouslegdrop sensually caressing each other's body.

"goodness!! you two!! will you try to concentrate on the task at hand?! quit fooling around!! i don't think that the spear is the key." wavymoks tells the bard.

"ooppsss.. hehehe, sorry my friend, we got carried away with that thrusting motion" the bard sheepishly explains.

"wait a minute, do i have the key or i am the key?" wavymoks carefully studies the keyhole and touches his hair...

"it is written...
the hero will come who is the key
to open the archive dome
for the archivers to see",
housebandsky repeats the verse.

"that's it!! i am the key! i'll just put my head in here and both of my hands in here.." as the hero inserts his arms and head in the key hole, the door clicks and the vault opens.

"hahahahaha, it worked!! come on strong bard help me push this door open." our hero requests the bard to help him.

as they open the door, a great light envelops the three.

**************************************

a sweet love song plays and the cyborg hero known as qatarmus walks bravely towards the beautiful lead medic, mamamshieholic. everything seems to stop moving except of course for shinycoy and the chinita lass who are dancing as if they're the only people in the room.

"excuse me miss, mind if i ask your name and also... hmm... dance with you....?" qatarmus nervously asks mamamshieholic.

the lead medic looks back waving her hair into a fashion that can melt even the most frozen heart, smiles and looks at the dashing cyborg who's asking her name. "yes..."

at that moment the cyborg hero's heart jumps with joy and in a swift motion, he bravely stoops down to meet the lead medics' gaze and kisses her. a kiss that the lead medic welcomes with buckling knees.

it lasted for five seconds, no, more than 10 seconds, but for the two it seems like eternity. they stop when the crowd starts cheering and howling. with her face blushing, mamamshieholic, says "you're asking me to dance?"

"yes miss... may i?" replies qatarmus, feeling throbs all over his half-human body.

"you already kissed me, so why not. i'm mamamshieholic by the way. and these are my friends, ishmolba and ronniebro.."

"hi...mamamshieholic, i'm qatarmus prime. ladies if you'll excuse us."

the two starts dancing on the dance floor. hearts beating as if they're one. it was a feeling that the cyborg hero never felt before. a feeling that is at the same time foreign to the lead medic. on one corner while chatting with the chinita soldier, shinycoy is smirking, while contemplating on the future of his precious locks.

*************************************************************

"knight pinkstar!! knight pinkstar!! where are you??" liwanagrace shouts at the stables.

"i'm here!! i'm cleaning my horse", replies pinkstar, "who's there?"

"it is me, liwanagrace, i have come to tell you the good news about your request." she remarks as she walks towards the knight priestess.

"my request?" pinkstar asks.

"yes your request to finally go into the battlefield."

"i am honored, general, at last i can show those smurfers that i'm not only good inside the infirmary but a powerful force on the battle field, too."

"i'm glad that you haven't changed your mind about your plan. the alliance needs your healing aura and your uncanny way of leadership on the field. prepare your armor and we'll be transporting in a week." liwanagrace briefs pinkstar before leaving.

"hear that pinkhorse? we're going to the battlefield next week!! i'll proceed to the armory and prepare our things." pinkstar whispers to her horse.

as the knight priestess leaves the stables, the pink horse flicks her eyes as if scared of something.

*************************************************************

meanwhile inside bomber morran's room, he browses his archives and searches for his latest text communication with wavymoks.

wavymoks and bomber moran were previously text communication buddies before the lucky hero died at Remoth Bondith.

"here it is, dated eons ago. finally i found it and here wavymoks says... i'm sending you the first copy of my book, the beginners' guide for flirting with strong women. by lucky wavymoks so you can use it for... he sent me this book ages ago, where did i hide it?"

and he starts searching for the 5d book inside his 5d drawer.

"hahaha, here it is, i thought i won't be needing you. here it is.. chapter one, gathering information about your target woman." bomber morran smiles as he reads the book and memorizes it by heart.

***********************************************************

inside baby boomer's pad, he contemplates on what he just did to his colleague the_bullette. he certainly must learn to control his anger. that sudden burst of emotion might kill someone important to their cause.

he walks around his room thinking, breathing heavily, relaxing his self.

"i know what can cool me down" he searches through his multiple locked drawers and brings out the picture of... his long time crush... general liwanagrace.

the general's folly

95 million, seven hundred thirty-two thousand and three light years away from the alliance base, floating through the void of space with no exact location or direction, like a bubble, lies the secret base of the lead smurfers' general, kherniaxis. only the smurfers' heroes, generals and officials are inside the Lanainess, general kherniaxis' private bar/pub/girl mecca. everyone of them are in a jolly mood celebrating the death of the smurfers' number one thorn, wavymoks. the generals are so confident with their next attack that they allowed the regular puny weasleynaughts to plan their next mission against the alliance.

inside the Lanainess, the winning general is sitting with four gorgeous girls and two transvestites from different universes while enjoying the booze and the food. beside him is the_bullette, with two lovely white chicks while baby boomer is contemplating in one corner drinking his liquor. almost all the officers has two partners flanking them.

"let us celebrate the death of wavymoks!! and our near victory with this ongoing war!!!! hail the smurfers!!! let us celebrate the death of wavymoks!! and our near victory with this ongoing war!!!! hail the smurfers!!! our near victory with this ongoing war!!! hail the smurfers!!! let us celebrate the death of wavymoks!!! today, we are celebrating the death of wavymoks, and let us hail the smurfers!!! we are going to win this war!!!" kherniaxis shouts in a drunken stupor.

"long live the smurfers!!! long live our general!!!" shouts the other officials while raising their glasses.

a smurf official approaches the triumphant general and congratulates him for his latest success. kherniaxis smiles at him, clapa his hands and out of nowhere two equally lovely females hugs the official and quickly stabs him at his back, immediately ending the life of the poor official. the music stops and everyone stares at the lifeless body of the smurfer official.

"no one has the right to kiss my ass!!! i don't need you to praise me or adore me, i want you to kill for me!! to fight for me!! to win for me!!! does everybody understand? i don't need praises or adoration! i need dead bodies from the alliance! i need you to win for me, not to kiss my ass. i hope that i am making myself clear!" kherniaxis yells on top of his lungs.

"guard, clean this mess!! and let's continue the party!!!!", he shouts to the nearest sentinels. the music resumes and everyone continues what are they doing as if nothing happened.

"hey bullette, that invisible female warrior really has the hots for you... what the hell happened between you two?" baby boomer asks the_bullette.

"it doesn't matter what happened between us, the important thing is we can use that anger to our advantage." the bullette calmly replied.

"awwww come on man... i've never seen a female so mad and angry, even matching the greatest berserker from the smurfers. what happened?" baby boomer insists.

"i don't want to talk about it." the_bullette stands up and walks away with the two white chicks.

"don't you dare turn your back on me... i'm talking to you!!!" angrily shouts baby_boomer as he throws a psychic poisoned boomerang to the_bullette. the latter falls down and boomer quickly jumps at him and continues to punch him while shouting, "why did you turn your back on me??!! don't you think i'm great enough ??!! ha??! ha??!! damn you bullette!!! i could have killed that pesky bomber morran if kherniaxis didn't stop me. i have the right to be heard!!! i have the right to ask questions!!! damn you!! damn you!! don't you ever turn your back on me!!"

"stop this fighting!!!", kherniaxis quickly grabs baby boomer and throws him on the other side of the room. smurfer medics quickly approach the_bullette to inject him with the antidote for the poison.

"why the hell did you attack the_bullette??!!!" kherniaxis asks baby boomer.
baby boomer, obviously shaken by the throw, instantly mutters, "i'm... i'm sorry general, i got carried away... it's... it's all my fault. i don't know what came over me, it.. it just .. made me angry. i don't know what happened. i'm really sorry general kherniaxis... i'm... i'm... really sorry the_bullette... please.. forgive me.." baby boomer replies, and shocked when he realized he almost killed his colleague.

the_bullette weakly stands up, with the help of the smurfer medics, looks at boomer and says, "no problem, it's over, i prefer not to talk about it, is all." and he exits the room with the help of the medics.

suddenly the main door opens and a young smurfer quickly shouts "general!! general kherniaxis, private audio-video-olfactory call for you... it's your wife!!"
a private audio-video-olfactory call is a real time communication method from someone across the universe who wants to talk to any being anywhere. normally the receiver of the call is the only one who can see, hear, or feel the caller.

"damn it!!" kherniaxis curses, as he runs towards the water closet. "stop the music and shut your mouths!!" kherniaxis warns the smurfers as he answers his wife's call, forgetting to turn off the mic he's carrying.

"hmmm...hi loveydoveypoo, hmm.. yes, i'm with the other generals... yes loveydoveypoo, we're all busy here. yes i know. i'm sorry i can't tell you where we are right now, our communication might be intercepted.. yes loveydoveypoo, we don't have any party here, we are seriously planning... yes.. i do.. i do.. ok... loveydoveypoo... bye." kherniaxis tries his best to charm his wife to believe him.

after the call he goes out and sees most of the officers smirking. "damn!!! alright!! turn off all incoming communications for me!!! bring back the music!! let's party!!!" kherniaxis shouts.

meanwhile, on the other side of the room a light rosy silhouette of a woman watches everything that is happening...

The General's Decision

Part 3

Dencinito bar™, a subsidiary of the Dencinio Universe, is the ultimate bar for anyone, alien or entity. everything is here, from beer to whiskey, soft jazz to loud heavy music. the long and elegant bar is divided into numerous portions, each segment dedicated to different individuals' taste and preference for goodtime.

while normally loud and gay, this time, the heroes are not in their usual merry mood. they are all huddled in one corner of the bar, with somber expressions on their faces. it is a sad day... to top a really heartrending week.

“to our beloved and respected wavymoks, our lucky charm in every battle...” shouts qatarmus standing near the bar, as he raises his mug. “to wavymoks”, everyone raises their glass and drinks their liquor.

so much desolation can be felt, for they know how the future battles will probably look like. they are greatly outnumbered by the smurfers, with a 1 to 10000 ratio, and the smurfers are rapidly and steadily gaining force by number with each planet they conquer. artillery-wise the alliance technology used to be far better than the smurfers, that is, before the great spy the_bullette stole most of the blueprints of their latest weaponry gadgets. and most important of all, they lost their lucky charm. wavymoks' uncanny aura to bring luck to the troops makes him their best offensive and defensive weapon on and off the field --- smurfers' cloning machines just stopped working, heat seeking missiles missing their targets, even blind jhustinites can go to battle and kill a dozen or more smurfers.

qatarmus prime, realizing the alliance's dire need of a new leader, stands up and shouts “jhustinites!! fellow heroes!! what the hell are you thinking? do you think that we won’t have a chance on the next battle? do you believe that it is better to just surrender and die and let the smurfers rule this universe? we just lost a battle but not the war. if we continue to unite against the menace, if we continue to fight with all our hearts, if we strive for glory for our future, we still have the chance to win this war. what will your fallen brothers tell you if you quit now? imagine fallen heroes shaking their hands from the netherworld...” he pauses and looks around, “i for one will not stop fighting until i exhaust all my battery cells, i will fight for this universe... so who’s with me??“

“we!! harrrrrr !! we’ll fight for the alliance!!! for our survival!!” shouts the jhustinites and the other heroes. after the speech, a sudden change of mood can be felt inside the bar, though still mourning, the jhustinites were no longer worried about their future, they are prepared to fight and win to end this ongoing war.

“nice speech bok, glad you isnpired them, it gives them hope.” whispers shinycoy beside qatarmus.

“Give THEM hope? how about you bok?” replies qatarmus.

“hah, me, bok, this war is nearing its end, unless our generals can find a way to stop the vanessilium and destroy all the cloning devices of the smurfers, we are dead meat... and metal.” shinycoy gulps down his beer.

“my friend, i for one believe that i’ll survive this war. i won’t stop breathing until i see the woman who holds the other half of my heart. so until that time, i ask you to stay with me. you’ll definitely survive.” qatarmus strikes back at shinycoy.



meanwhile, back at the alliance main headquarters, general liwanagrace meets with the other generals about their next defense with the smurfers. with her, as always and of course, is bomber morran, fully recovered from the past incident with the chronoblaster from baby_boomer. the generals from different galaxies are viewing liwanagrace using a 5 dimensional audio-video-olfactory-kinetic-gustatory modality enhanced extra-terrestrial distance conference system. the heroine shows the other generals, their, the jhustinites' next strategy for defense on planet LowHeist™ main defense base of the alliance at galaxy Bonadventurian™.

“general liwanagrace, are you sure that your jhustinites can help my galaxy in defending those smurfers?” asks the general from galaxy Bonadventurian.

“sir, with this fool-proof plan,” as she points out the advanced 5d diagram of their defense formation, “i can guarantee the success of our campaign. not only do we destroy their main ship, but we can also possibly eliminate the smurfers' star general.”

“but your formation... i think i’m missing something, who will be positioned at the helm now that wavymoks is considered dead?” asks another general.

“sir, i will take the helm.”, liwanagrace declares, while bomber morran looks at her in shock,” and i’ll be promoting knight pinkstar into the field, we need lead heroes in the battle. her healing aura can greatly help the medics in this battle.” replies liwanagrace.

“very well, general liwanagrace, i’ll be sending your troops' supplies and armory next week in preparation for your defense of planet LowHeist. good day and good luck.” as the general from galaxy Bonadventurian shuts down the communicator connection and the conference adjourns.

“what the hell are you thinking being the lead warrior on the next battle? you can get killed!!!” shouts bomber as he grabs liwanagrace by the arm.

“let go of my hand hero” as she shakes her arm to break free against bomber's hold,” i am still the head general of this army, and my command and decision is final.” angrily retorts liwanagrace, nostrils flaring.

“but general, think of this, your powers are all offense, you have no defense whatsoever. we are always playing defense against the smurfers. who will protect you there at the battle? you can’t ask the medics to shield you every time.” pleads bomber.

“it’s the medics' job to heal the weak and the injured... i am not injured and definitely not weak. i don’t need them, but a reliable defense shield will be a necessity for our troops. so you better get yourself ready by next week, you’ll be supporting my attack. we need all the manpower we can get.” she concludes the conversation and walks past bomber.

“i am always ready...” bomber whispers to himself and smiles.




back at the dencinito bar, while most are starting to get drunk...

“ey bok, mind you man, what will you do if you find your heart’s other half?” shinycoy asks qatarmus.

“i’ll marry her.” qatarmus replies without blinking.

“marry her? ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! you don’t even know that lady and you’re planning to marry her?? and what makes you say that she’ll be glad to marry you?” shinycoy laughs aloud.

“my friend, any being who is willing to give you half their heart for nothing in return is worth loving by any means possible.” qatarmus replies with a giddy smile.

“hah! women, look at me bok, see what happened to me. curse those women! i vowed i will never talk to any woman again.” shinycoy proudly shouts. suddenly a lovely chinita soldier passes by, and shinycoy quickly follows her and with a lazy drawl, smugly declares, “hi sexy, how are you doin? mind if I touch your fingers?” shinycoy coyly flirts with the female soldier and leaves qatarmus shaking his head and smiling.

with a loud "BANG!", the door bursts open, and everyone stops at a standstill, and looks at the newly arrived guests, the medics. mamamshieholic, woniebro and ishmolba terebol, not wearing their usual bloody uniforms, march in, hips swaying from side to side. they are, qatarmus thinks, simply breathtaking.

“is this table taken?” mamamshieholic asks the nearest guy on the table.

“no madam, its all yours” nervously replies a young jhustinite.

“thanks. hey, waiter, I want to order ....” woniebro calls the waiter.

at the other end of the bar, qatarmus prime's gaze was still locked on mamamshieholic, and his heart starts to palpitate, faster and faster, since he first set his sights on her. this kind of feeling is quite foreign to our cyborg hero. he continues to stare at her and everything in his world seems to have stopped, as if they are the only two persons in the room.

“damn, that’s the most beautiful lady i’ve ever seen, where is she hiding all this time? the hair, the way she smiles, her eyes, her lips, i am intoxicated by her mere sight. i never knew she can look that pretty without her armor and usual blood stains.” qatarmus whispers to himself.

unexpectedly, the bar suddenly plays sweet slow music and qatarmus sees that shinycoy is already dancing with the young chinita soldier. he stands up, bravely walks the aisle, and proceeds to ask mamamshieholic to dance with him…